She raised some good points today. Maybe I am, I don't know. But the prospect of going back on meds doesn't thrill me at all. But she's right, maybe I need to talk to someone about it. I don't think I feel it that much, but it might explain a few things. It might explain my staying up quite late, my eating habits, and my fatigue. I just don't want to accept it. I am a person who doesn't believe that medicine is the answer for everything. If possible, I try to avoid it. For thousands of years, we have done just fine without these kinds of medications. But maybe it's true that the chemistry of this day and age has changed so much that these medications are necessary for some people. And why would I fight that? Because I don't want to be dependant on any medicine for the rest of my life! It implies that I'm not strong enough to deal with life on my own, and that I need a crutch to get through. I hate that thought. It crushes my already severely diminished self-confidence. Maybe that's a sign right there that I do need help. I know I don't believe in myself. Maybe that's at the heart of the matter. My greatest fear is that I'll screw up so badly that my family and ones I love won't want me at all. Why am I so worried that I'll screw up that badly? I don't know. I just have the nagging feeling that I will. Maybe that's a sign of depression, or anxiety disorder or something like that. I really don't know. It seems like I say those three words a lot: I don't know. Maybe she's right. Maybe I really do need to talk to someone about it. ...why should that idea scare me as much as it does? Shouldn't that thought be a comfort, that now that I seek help I'll actually start to be normal again? If so, why does that not really comfort me? Well, whatever the case, I really should talk to someone about this. Someone I can trust.



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What do you do when you're hungry, but dread the next time something goes down your throat?

What do you do when you're too tired to stay awake, yet you can't fall asleep?

These questions and more are driving me up the wall right now. I have strep throat, and it is very very annoying. I can't sleep, can't eat, and anytime I drink anything, it is extremely painful. Add to that, I don't think the pills that the doctor gave me are actually going down my throat.

Ugh, I just wish I could sleep and forget all of this!